Fall Back

Awoke at 9:00 today only to realize I forgot to set the clocks back last night. That's a great feeling, realizing you have another hour of the day.

Spent a pretty relaxing day with Rover. He's studying for his promotional, so I snoozed on the couch this afternoon while he stayed up stairs and read. He's at the gym right now and I'm going to meet up with him at his place later. Nothing exciting, but it's just nice to have someone to hang with, someone to have come into the room and kiss me when he's taking a short break from the books, someone to fall asleep and wake up next to. Rover has the best habit of reaching over and kissing me in the middle of the night if he senses I've woken up--either to go to the bathroom or if it's just very early and I'm turning over. It makes me feel so good that he wants to kiss me when he's very groggy.

* * * *
My first speech went pretty well. I watched the video that was taken of it, and there are were really only one or two foibles. Not too bad. I didn't even seem nervous. Glad I practiced some, because I looked well rehearsed and natural. Only one more class to go. Nice to take a six-week class. I hate how a regular semester drags on.

* * * *
I worked at the law office all last week. I really like working for this lawyer, BullDog. He's such an upstanding guy. Wish he were my dad. Anyhow, his office is very well organized and everything is ready to go well before it's due so there's no rushing around in a panic at the last minute to get documents mailed out or filed with the court. Nice to work that way. Wish I could just continue working for him part time, but he runs just a small office and doesn't need any more help. I'm just filling in for his full-time gal while she's on vacation.

* * * *
Feeling good still. Life is fine. That's about it for now. Nothing exciting. Better get going. I've got an hour's drive ahead and I need to get gas.

Nite.

Update

Effexor seems to be working pretty well for me. My moods are quite good and I have lots of energy--back to my old self, able to wake up at 5:00 and get up the first time the alarm rings instead of having to hit snooze for 20 minutes. I've been exercising better the last couple of days, too. Have increased my time to 45 minutes on the treadmill as opposed to my usual 20, so that's good for me. I really do want to lose that weight I attempted to lose last month. What seems to be helping is a speech I'm currently preparing to give on cholesterol. The research I've done has made me more aware of what and how I eat, and I'm trying to change my woeful ways--less butter, fat, red meat, etc.

School is keeping me very busy. I'm working my second job today, which is why I have a few minutes to post. I like being busy and it's been good to engage my brain again with a structured, time-intensive course. I am reminded that I can indeed read and focus--I think the Effexor is helping with that, as well (Celexa made me spacy and forgetful in addition to sleepy and lazy). My current business coincides nicely with Rover's being extremely busy as well. He's preparing for an upcoming promotional exam and needs to use all his extra time preparing for the test. To that end, I am and have been extremely supportive. His career is coming to a close and this exam may be his only/last opportunity to promote. As far as I'm concerned he can spend every day working on it and not seeing me. The test is three weeks away; I can wait that long.

But he's being great, as usual. He knows he has to spend a lot of time studying, but he has made a point of telling me and insisting on inviting me to spend the night with him as much as possible so we don't disconnect. He even drove up to my place last night, something he doesn't usually do mid-week. Consequently, I'm feeling very good and secure about us.

I'm heading to his place tonite after my "date" with a fellow firefighter to a Pink Floyd Cover Band concert--should be fun. The timing of the concert is not so great considering
how much work I have to do for school, but that's okay. I made these plans a long time ago and I'm looking forward to the evening out (Rover and I haven't been out in a while because we've both been so busy).

So things are good again. Effexor is working well--except for the sexual dysfunction. I'm hoping that's a side effect that will diminish with time, as I really like this med. I don't notice any other side effects except perhaps a little dry mouth, which only makes me drink more water--something I definitely need to do anyway. I think my problem with the sexual side effects stuff is that my body doesn't work so great without meds, so any tinkering makes me totally anorgasmic. It's very frustrating and, inevitably, it ends up making me feel bad about myself.

Weather right now is fantastic. It's warm and dry. Very dry. And very warm. Love warm Fall days, even if it does get dark too soon. Holidays are looming on the horizon. As usual, I'm scheduled to work both Halloween and Thanksgiving. I have Christmas off for a change, but I work Christmas Eve. I'm going to drive home to L.A. on Christmas day and spend the evening with my mom and her husband. Rover's flying down the next day and we'll spend a few days vacationing down south and then back up the coast. Rover wants to go to Disneyland, a place I absolutely love, so that sounds good to me.

Anyhow, I'm babbling. Just haven't posted in a while and thought I'd check in.

Gosh, I've Done A Lot

Nabbed this from OK's post. I bolded the things that apply to me.


01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said ?I love you? and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby?s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
t31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger?s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero-
58. Sung karaoke-
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married--twice
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced--twice
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an ?expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents–if stepdad counts
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn?t stop when you knew someone was looking--all the time
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn?t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone?s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone?s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one ?important? author who you missed in school, and read them
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating–only if fish count
137. Skipped all your school reunions--never plan on going to one
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you?re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn?t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone?s life

All's Well

Just an update. Went to my doctor today. There's absolutely nothing really wrong with me. Just a couple of fibroids. That lump seems to be just a blocked duct or something--altho he admittedly seemed a bit perplexed by it and by my pain.

So that's good.

Started taking Effexor today. We'll see how it goes. I've been down lately. Wake up feeling depressed and blue and have a difficult time shaking it, so Effexor it is.

I have an appointment with Headshrinker on Wednesday. I'm going to make it my last one for a while. I've been wanting to stop, but instead of her weaning me off, she has increased my visits to once weekly. The problem is now I feel like I'm covering old ground. Like, really old ground, and I just don't want to go over it all over again. I'm sure it might be beneficial, etc., but I feel like I've dealt with it sufficiently for now. Besides, I can't afford $440/month right now; I have other expenses.

Anyhow, that's about it right now. I'm very busy with my speech class. It's a semester-length class done in 6 weeks with a serious pile of work to do, so I probably won't be posting much over the next few weeks.

Talk to ya later.

Rose-Colored World

So I'm thinking about going back on my psych meds. This time, I'll try a different concoction. I haven't been feeling so hot of late. Not terrible, although I have had some terrible days--more than before. I miss waking up feeling good. I miss stability.

So I'll give it another try. But if I start experiencing the major side effects (somnolence, increased appetite/weight gain, anorgasm, lack of motivation), then I'm just going to have to go it alone. No meds. I know there's no cure-all, but I'd still like to give it another try.

* * * * *
Anyhow, things are okay. Life is fine. Really like having a cleaning woman come in once a month. Helps keep me cleaner/neater, and also gives me time to do more yard work, among other things.

Haven't been working out very much lately. So much for the psych meds taking away my motivation (that's all me, baby!). Insomnia and frequent waking is a problem. Last night was a good night--I only got up three times. I've been using sleeping pills and motrin the nights before work. The other nights I just struggle.

Dyed my hair again today. I'd been a very dark, chocolatey brown over Spring, but went blonde-ish a few months ago. I've never really liked the blonde color my stylist has used and last week I went back to her to have her do my roots and came out more blonde and less happy than when I went in. I gave it a week or so, but today I decided to get rid of it. Now I'm "medium ash blonde" (kind of a mousy brown-blonde) which I think is closer to my natural hair color (altho I have red in mine). I'm not thrilled with the result, but I think I like it better than the blonde.

Gettin' so I change my hair color almost as often as I change my socks!

* * * * *
YellowDog almost killed RacerEx's girlfriend's cat the other day. The cat lives with the girlfriend's dog, Sugar, and, until YellowDog came for a visit, the cat and Sugar had co-existed quite amicably.

Seems that YellowDog, along with being part Pit Bull, is a bad influence on Sugar. The two of them trapped the cat and tried to tear it to bits.

Luckily, no one was hurt.

Guess you can take the dog out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the dog. I had noticed she's become rather territorial lately, pacing the yard back and forth, barking a lot at passers-by, marking her spot with pee more often than usual. Ah well, like I said, she is a Pit Bull. That jaw's not as big as it is for smiling--it's for breaking bones!

* * * * *
Rover's been fantastic. Never ceases to surprise me. HeadShrinker made the same remark: that I'm always surprised when Rover comes thru and/or shows me how much he loves me.

It's a Rover thing. I just don't expect him to be normal, to act normal. With everyone else, I was never surprised by their actions--they were consistent with the image I had of them. Rover's actions don't match my image. Guess I should work on that. Or not.

* * * * *
That's about it. Like I said, feeling rather blah lately. Not bad, just not great.

Still having pain in my lower pelvic area and now have discovered a very hard lump deep within. That can't be good.

As Roseanne Rosanna Danna would say, "It's always something!"

Rats! Foiled Again

My last post never made it to publishing. I was spell checking it and hit a wrong button and a very well written post was lost. Ah well, I was just moaning about some garbage that was going on in my life last weekend. Perhaps it is better lost to the invisible universe than read again.

* * * *
Spent yesterday morning in the emergency room. Seems that lower left pelvic pain I was experiencing may have been an ovarian cyst--which probably burst in the middle of the night and kept me awake and crippled until morning at which time I drove myself to the hospital. Glad it was just a cyst and not a tubal pregancy or something which could have been dire. When I told my ob/gyn I'd been in the E.R. he was apologetic for not having made time for me when I'd first mentioned the pain. Oh well, no harm, no foul.

* * * *
I'm better today I guess. It was nice to be high on Vicodin for the afternoon. Now it's back to reality.

I'm taking a business communications class which meets on Saturdays. It's pretty good so far. Easy "A" I think. The text is pretty interesting too.

I've been spending so much time alone lately. At first I was lonely and feeling a bit stressed about it, but I've gotten somewhat used to it now. Guess tonite I'll work on that crochet blanket I've been working on for over a year now. I like to crochet on the one hand, but it's rather boring on the other and the pattern of this blanket is tricky enough that watching T.V. whilst I crochet is difficult--albeit not impossible.

So yeah, it's only 6:30, but I think I'll put on my jammies and hunker down on the couch with my blanket and my Tivo.

Nite now.