Sad But True; or, Once Again A Surprise

Another breakthrough by Rover in response to a photo of me I left for him in his birthday card (his birthday was Sunday, but I did not see him, have not seen him in some time):

"Thank you for the picture. I really like it because it looks like you're looking right at me. And when you look at me like that, I feel as if you can see right into me and know what I'm thinking. It's like you're a mind reader, and I like your peering into me like that sometimes. I liked that even before we had so many problems. And I had no problem with that until my also being in love with you-know-who became an issue. And that's the only part I don't like you peering into now, because it upsets you so much. And that's still part of me unfortunately. I still haven't resolved that. I'm going to. And I don't want us being ruined by it, and I think that the time apart now is because I gotta find out what.... you can never be invisible again. I'm just struggling with a lot of stuff right now. It's not that I love you any less or desire you any less...."

I don't know if that makes sense to you out there in Blogland, but it's the first time he's admitted that he needs to find out what he's doing with Lips, that he needs to resolve their issues one way or another. The message was a sad one, but I'm glad he is resolved not to see me anymore until things are square with her, until they are done or until he can tell me that he has committed to her.

That may sound strange, and it makes me really sad, but it is one of the first things about this relationship between us that seems right and as it should be.

I still morn the loss of him, but I am okay. Tonight, on my way home, I realized that this is just the end of this phase of our relationship and the beginning of the next, whatever that may be. We are forced to see one another because of work, but, as Fate would have it, she has kept us apart of late and will probably do so until we can better handle all that exists.

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All right, gotta go eat now. Nite.

Will Wonders Never Cease

In my last, most recent blog, I described what I have learned from my most recent experiences (those which lead to the demise and failure of my marriage). I also posited what RacerEx and Rover had learned from same.

I figured Rover would have learned nothing while RacerEx would have learned a serious lesson.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

I called each of them this morning, first Rover and then RacerEx.

I haven't talked to Rover in some time, as we no longer see one another. He went back to his girlfriend after a long, drawn-out affair with me in which many I love yous were exchanged. Like I said, I called him this morning to talk. I asked him what he has learned from all of this, and his answer surprised me. He said he learned the value of people in his life, the value of loving someone. He said he learned the importance of treating the people you love well. And while he said he still thinks honesty, in many ways, is overrated, he learned the importance of being honest with respect to being open about who one is and what one is all about.

Pretty good, wouldn't you say?

Onto RacerEx. I called him and asked him the same question. His answer surprised me even more. He said he had no idea, that he hadn't given it any thought. I asked him if he had thought about any of it, if he spent any time analyzing what had happened, what he felt. He said he feels nothing and that he spends no time thinking about it; he just goes about his days. He asked me what I had learned, and I told him. He did not echo my thoughts but said he'd have to give it some thought.

I am a little disappointed in him.

I told him I thought he really should put his mind to it and start thinking about things, that without doing so, all that had gone on and all the choices he made to bring him to this point would be in vain.

Enough. I have to go replant my front yard.

Phase II

I needed to start anew. I do that from time to time.

So I will spend some time here for a while.