Run Around

Haven't been home much lately. Mom was here visiting for 24 hours over Thanksgiving weekend. In that time she managed to drive me crazy. She's such a spaz. God, please let me have the power to not become just like her!

Feeling blue today. It's been coming on for the last few days. Haven't seen much of Rover this week. Guess it's connected to that. Been hanging out with girlfriends (and Mom) all week. Spent a few nights at Rover's house, but basically just went over to sleep. Actually, one night we drove up to Sacramento to have dinner with his son, but I wasn't into going. I had wanted to work a day of overtime, but I had already committed to the dinner. When I tried to make plans to spend the day or some afternoon time with Rover before the dinner, he wouldn't commit. When I got there in the evening, he pretty much ignored me and paid bills until we left.

Yesterday kind of went the same way. Yesterday was our only real day off to spend with one another and he told a friend he'd do some electrical work for him. He invited me to come down and watch. Uh, no thanks. I worked half a shift for someone who needed it and told Rover I'd meet up with him later. He said he'd be working until 7:00 or 8:00. Later he called and asked if I wanted to drive down and go to a Warriors game that began at 6:30. So much for having to work until 7 or 8. I told him no, I'd made other plans with some girlfriends, which I had. Cyclone and DoeEyed and I went out for dinner, drinks and dancing and had a great time. After midnight, I headed back to Rover's place to sleep. For some reason, driving to his place made me feel more and more down.

I was quiet when I got there. He wanted to have sex, but I was feeling glum and didn't initiate or respond but instead talked a bit and then went to sleep. He woke me up at 5 a.m. and we had sex. He went off to work this morning and I slept until almost 11:00 and then came home. I'm working tomorrow and Tuesday. We have plans for Wednesday, but I feel too down to look forward to seeing him.

I feel alone. And ungrateful. I know I have a nice boyfriend and good girlfriends, but I feel alone. Shameful. I am an idiot for not appreciating what I have. Perhaps I just need some sleep. Feel like going back to bed. Think I will.