Rocky

Well, today brings to end a difficult week.

I have been trying to taper off my meds again, with little success. Seems that either I cannot regulate my mood without them or that I coincidentally try to taper off during times when external circumstances prove difficult.

Anyhow, Rover and I have been squabbling. He is back to work with a vengeance and has started seeing me a little less. Our relationship has started sliding backwards a bit, and it has been making me feel down.

I started feeling depressed again.

Which started some drama between us. Actually the drama had been building over the course of the last week and a half. But I have trouble determining whether my mood is caused by the pills (or lack thereof) and I am imagine something is wrong or if something really is wrong.

We finally talked. I told him I can't go back to the way things were before, when it was all work and no play. I need to have play days, hookey days, days where he is not working but is only spending time hanging out with me. He refused, digging in, giving me an old line, "This is just the way I am!" (Mad face aside: "Like it or lump it.").

So I answered with a short silence and then just said, "Okay. I understand," and was then silent, thinking that the way he is doesn't really jibe with the way I am, so.... for me, it's not going to work.

And, somehow, I think he got it. Because he acquiesced. He offered to look at our calendars each week and ensure we have at least one non-work/play day.

And I went back on my pills.

So I'm feeling better about things.

But I don't like that I'm so dependent on my pills. But perhaps that's just the way I am.