Sticking To My Guns

So I was really angry at Rover the other day, and I didn't talk to him all day. Didn't answer my phone until after he'd called four or five times. He asked how I was and I gave him a short "fine." He said, "Are you better than you were this morning?" And I answered, "No, no really."

He said, "Well, I probably shouldn't come over tonight then."

"No. Probably not." I answered curtly. He let out a surprised breath. And then I said good bye.

He called me later that night, at about 7:00, and asked me why I was so angry. I told him I felt he made me feel like I was wasting his time. He said, "I know how you feel, but what did I do wrong?"

So I let him have it. I told him he'd been rude to me over the phone, that he'd made me feel as if it was unreasonable to expect him to give me a time to meet him, etc. I basically told him I was sick of being made to feel that I was taking up his time, that I was interfering with his getting his important tasks done, that I was tired of accommodating his schedule all of the time with little consideration for my own. He got mad at me, but I told him I didn't have time to argue with him, that I'd made plans with a girlfriend (which I had).

Anyhow. He called back later, while I was in the theater with my friend, and told me he was driving up to my town and would be in a certain bar and that he'd be waiting for me there.

When I arrived around 10:00 p.m., (after my friend had gone home to her kids, and not a moment before she and I were truly done with our evening), he was still there waiting for me. I sat down next to him and ordered a drink. He turned to me and said, "I want to say something to you." Then he apologized for his attitude and told me he would work harder at not making feel the way he did. It was a good apology, and I forgave him.

But things are a little different now.

Remaining in my heart is the knowledge that we are going nowhere together, that there will be no sense of community, that we will never truly be involved in one another's lives.

So I will do my best to enjoy myself and continue to work on moving forward emotionally and on defining what I am truly looking for in a relationship. I will make the best use of my time with him, as TheFuture suggested.

Gone are my illusions.

I think that is a good thing.