Something Within

I keep having bad dreams. It started with the hair extension dream about two weeks ago, and now it seems that almost every night I'm yelling at, combatting, or confronting someone. Last night I added the element of frustrating myself by continually failing to get off an elevator at the proper floor and then having to get off at the top floor and leave the building entirely in order to get back onto the elevator.

Something inside of me is not right. I mean, I am angry or frustrated or unhappy and it is manifesting in my dreams.

The only positive part of having these bad dreams is that I am standing up for myself and taking control. Defending myself or my mom, as the case was last night, with vigor.

Unfortunately, the emotion that exists in my dreams carries over into my waking life. When I wake up I feel sad and drained.

* * * *
Speaking of sleeping. I had a bad day yesterday in that I was muddle-headed all day long. Groggy, if you will. Don't know what was up with me, but I had a difficult time getting my brain to function properly. Not only did I have extreme difficulting getting out of bed in the morning, I also got completely dressed several times to find the right outfit for work downtown after my fireshift only to remember that the following day was Sunday and that I was not due to work at the office. I've never done that before. Then, throughout the day, I couldn't remember the last name of the fellow I was working with, someone I've known for years, and someone whose name I had said outloud that same morning.

Not good.

I took a three-hour nap this afternoon and had an equally difficult time pulling myself out of sleep.

Am I sick with a cold or virus? Am I just exhausted from working/going out so much? Is it the Celexa reeking havoc on my brain? I don't know.

I trimmed my Celexa dose down by 1/2 a pill and will continue at that level for a while. Meanwhile, I try going to bed early and consistently. I'm working pretty much every day for the next two weeks with only two days off out of the 14, but I have two in a row, so that should be okay.

I'm working a day of overtime at the firehouse right now. It'll be good to have the extra money for my taxes. I'm afraid of what I might owe since I've been working as a subcontractor with no taxes taken out to the tune of $14,000. Yikes. This year, I have to start making estimated tax payments. Think I'll go to a tax accountant this time instead of doing it myself. He can help with legitmate write-offs.

Okay, this entry is a little dull. It's almost 8:00. Think I'll go up and read and/or go to sleep. We've had no calls today. Booooring.

Nite.