Assessment
In thinking about PB's last comment on loves of one's life....
All I know is that, thus far, RacerEx is the only person I can say I have truly loved. He is the only person to whom, at least for a time, I was truly committed. I accepted him. I used to describe it as having both feet in the circle. I did. All I knew, all I know, is that I finally understood what it meant when I was told, "when you find him, you'll know" I knew. That's all that mattered.
So he was the love of my life, is the love of my life so far. I am not ashamed of it. I am glad to have had that experience. It was amazing. Perhaps in the future I will find another love of my life. Who knows. But of all the love I've had, that one was the most complete for me.
2 Comments:
Cool!! Sometimes the "love of our life" does not stay in our life, unfortunately. I know this to be true of my own life. While I had always thought Big Guy was the one true love of my life, he was not even though I will always love him. Sparky holds a piece of my heart,but not "love of my life" status. My first husband, my son's father, comes nowhere near that status. The one, true love of my life is Cowboy. He & I shared something very special even though it did not last.
Therefore, I completely understand your feelings for RacerEx.
You go, girl!!!
Blessed be...
i see what you mean about the 'both feet in the circle feeling' with racerex... is it possible that you can have more of that feeling with rover if, for example, you try to keep both feet in there with him?
in other words, i have found that sometimes, when i mimic the externals of something (e.g. not seeing other people) even if on the inside i kind of sometimes feel like seeing other people, then, if it's done right, and with a kind of meditative resolve, then it can sometimes change what i feel on the inside.
so, if you try to be 100% committed to rover (and not even kiss others even if you feel like it), you might actually come to feel a new and different and more intense space with rover... Of course, if it doesn't happen in some reasonable amount of time, then you'll know that something is missing. but again, for me, sometimes i am able to magically create what is missing by allowing myself to be 100% committed to the person for some trial period, even if it's not fully how i really feel inside at the start...
so, i think that we can sometimes help nurture 'good relationships' along into the 'amazing relationship/love of my life' category. we're magical creatures and we can grow things through devotion that would not otherwise grow. does that make any sense?
thank you, morgan, for posting all this; it really is amazing to read your thoughts, and it has really helped me think about myself more clearly.
:)
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