He Who Hesitates

For those of you who are sick of hearing/reading about it (ahem, I think I mean you, O.K.), skip this entry or you might just groan and roll your eyes... or worse yet, you might just vomit. At the least, you'll probably want to yell at me, or just give up reading about my pathetic life, but, for me and for those of you who are amused by my idiocy, continue.

* * * *

I'm a bit befuddled by Rover's latest behavior. He's being normal. Sweet. Enthusiastic. Unguarded. Inviting. Inclusive.

He made plans in advance for this coming Sunday. He wants to come over for Super Bowl Sunday and invite his friends.

He checked his calendar to schedule our next road trip and then noticed that I would be going to Italy very soon and so instead told me that he'd like to come with us, that he probably would. When I suggested he come the first part of the trip rather than the last part in consideration of the weather here and his ability to work at the River possibly hindered by early Spring rains, he did not get defensive, but told me what a good point I was making and that I was probably right.

What's going on? What's wrong? Hmmm.

The last two nights we spent together, when he woke up in the middle of the night to go pee, he took me in his arms and embraced me and told me how much he loves me and told me what a good time he was having with me.

He told me, to his own embarrassment, that he really wants my mother to like him. I told him she hadn't offered up her opinion to me. He told me he felt that was a bad sign. I did not tell him I've been telling her that I didn't think there was much of a future with him (and that is what I have believed to be the truth).

He told me we're going to have a great year, a fantastic year.

He told me I am the primary person in his life and that we are dating. He told me, more than once, that I can have him forever, that he knows he will want to be with me for always.

He talked about going to the River with me this summer--Lips' territory.

* * * *

What is going on?

I am befuddled. Hesitant to let myself believe.

* * * *

This talk/behavior started while I was gone. Was it that he missed me? I don't know. When I got back, I told him I thought things between us were going badly. He disagreed, but I insisted. Things were going badly for ME, if not for him. Did he not hear what I was saying? We talked for hours. He did not give up, listened, tried to understand, heard what I had to say. It was a good talk.

And then we had a great trip.

* * * *
What gives?