No Regrets

So glad I went to the Christmas party. We were all out until almost 3:00. I woke up at 7:00, came home and took the dog for a walk. Hard to imagine on less than four hours sleep after close to six or seven drinks that I don't have a hang over.

The evening started slow and ended hysterical. All the fire chicks were dressed to the nines in boob-a-licious dresses. Who knew we all had boobs? Believe me, the station uniform does little for the feminine figure, which is a good thing I suppose.

One gal, we'll call her Flipper, got exceedingly drunk and, well, very bi-friendly. She came up to me and told me she loved me and then told me I have the best breasts in the world and then she grabbed them in front of her boyfriend and asked him if I didn't have wonderful boobs. Then she pretty much grabbed everybody's boobs, and everyone started feeling everyone's boobs (except me who just got groped but did not groping--don't know why, but I'm just not a public groper). It was all good fun. I've never seen her cut loose before. She was fantastic. She posed for photos, danced with everyone, hugged everyone, kissed us all (nicely, just a light smootch on the lips) and told many of us how much she loves us. Then she dared Rover to kiss me, which he did, and then she told me to please get together with him because she's seen that he's madly in love with me and has been for a very long time (astute observation).

He was looking at me like a love sick cow. Many people noticed, I'm certain. Weird how we can do that considering how much we fight. I am a pro at looking disaffected around him.

At the other end of the spectrum last night was the gal from the station who we'll call Loca, because she's one crazy mother. I mean psycho. What I mean by that is she has some weird need to acquire, acquire, acquire. She's a hoarder. The space around her bed in the dorm looks like a cyclone hit. No one else keeps anything around their beds, with the exception of some books or magazines or a picture or two. She also is one of the most ambitous people I've ever met (another means of acquiring more stuff is to make more money). And she hates being a mother. I mean hates it. She comes to work and takes her shoes off and turns her phone off and escapes from her family. She makes no excuses. When her kids whine and ask why she's never home, she just says, "Some people are just better mothers than others, and I'm not one of them." This, to 8, 6 and 5-year olds. Unbelievable. Sometimes she doesn't go straight home after work but over to a friend's house and then lies to her husband about where she's been because she just doesn't want to deal with her kids.

Anyhow, she has one of the nicest husbands in the world. I'm sure he's not perfect and can probably be tough to be with because he has very high standards and ethics and holds himself to a level of excellence to which very few can compete. He is beautiful. His body, amazing. His personality, gentle and warm. He is a dedicated father. And he is married to psycho Loca who just complains about how he cages her in and is dampening her free spirit. Get this, he expects her to come home and take care of their children when he's at work and often when he's home too. What a bastard, huh? Yeah, a real son of a bitch. And he wants her to call and check in during the day or tell him if she's not coming home or what's on her schedule. Again, what a controlling bastard. Who would expect one's wife and the mother of their children to aprise them of their schedule? Anyhow, she's crazy.

So to make a long story longer, Loca sat at one side of the bar last night bashing her lovely man who had disappeared to some far corner, no doubt. She wasn't mad because he wasn't hanging near by, she was mad at him because he didn't put in his application for a promotion. And I quote, "I just wanted to drive him over a cliff," she said in all seriousness and with gusto. Off a cliff! "He's going to lose me someday and then he'll be sorry!" Uhhhh.... yeah, but probably only because of all the incredible debt you're going to stick him with.

So on one side of the room we had lovely drunk Flipper, kissing everyone and showing her breasts and on the other side of the room sat Loca, alone, talking to whoever would listen about driving her husband off a cliff.

I woke up laughing about it all.

So that was my night. I'd better hop to and get in the shower.