Things Fall Apart
Knew the good mood couldn't last.
So I've upped my dose.
Added 1/2 pill in the mornings. We'll see how that does. I'll tell my doctor later. If things aren't going well at that level I'll have to see her again and talk.
Got pissy with Rover this morning and we had an argument. He told me he wasn't seeing Lips anymore (altho that wasn't what the argument was about). It was more about the my role in his life and his need for total autonomy. He got really angry, finally saying, "You know what? I've done nothing wrong here." And you know what? He was right. It's me. It's not him. I just don't accept him the way he does. He's been nothing but nice to me, great to me over the last few weeks, and I'm still not satisfied. So it's not that there's anything wrong with me or with him, it's just that what we have isn't enough for or satisfying to me.
So what am I going to do about it? Accept it for now? Kick it to the curb? Take a look at what I really am looking for and then go after it? I dunno. HeadShrinker seems to think Rover is a distraction, someone who keeps me from confronting what I want and/or need.
Perhaps she is right. She probably is. Anyhow, gotta go.
2 Comments:
Yep, I believe she is right also. I have always felt that Rover was an albatrose hanging in your life, keeping you tied to some sort of negativity. Perhaps it is easier to focus on him & that unhappiness rather than working, digging deep to find the true source of your dissatisfaction. Start seeing Headshrinker on a regular basis, perhaps once a week, do some serious work on you. Go deep, face the pain, find the source, get rid of it. You are to wonderful a woman to stay mired in muck for the rest of your life. Meds help but are not the answer. They are simply a tool to help you face & deal with the real problems-the source of the unhappiness/depression/dissatisfaction.
It is hard work...& it is painful (I know), but there is a better life at the end of the road.
Take care my friend.
I care...& I am here.
Blessed be....
Admittedly, I was drawn to your blog by the references to Yeats.
His gyre theory helped me understand how life is made up of ever-higher, ever-wider revolutions. As we travel up our individual gyre, we often re-experience the people and events of our lives, but on new levels of understanding.
But I sense that you know this.
I'd like to visit again, if you don't mind a male perspective.
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