What it All Boils Down To

I woke up this morning thinking clearly.

In that state, I realized that what everything boils down to between Rover and me is respect. Or a lack thereof.

From the beginning it has been missing. Neither of us had respect for our partners (him especially) as we began our relationship. From that point forward, he has not shown me respect nor I have shown him much respect (e.g., my blowing up at him on Friday night in front of the crew because I thought he had made a stupid decision and because I was mad at him personally). Lastly, I have shown little my respect for myself, thus enabling him to continue treating me with little respect.

So that must stop. All of it.

I must respect that he has feelings for and a desire to pursue and continue in a relationship with Lips. He must respect my time and my space and my need for a partner who comes unencumbered by another relationship/love. I must have enough respect for myself to ensure I am not treated like a doormat and also to ensure that I feel good about myself.

That's what it all boils down to.

So I called him this morning and told him about respect.

And then we decided to break up.

And in so doing I asked him to try and wipe our slate clean so that we can start again from a new place. A place with no baggage, a place with no bad habits, a place of mutual respect. I told him I would be respectful of his relationship with Lips and that I would not call or pursue him or in anyway get in the way again. (He told me I was not in the way, but I denied it.) I asked him to be respectful of my time and not to pursue me unless he is fully available to do so. He agreed.

We cried.

And then I said good-bye.

I'm really sad, but it wasn't working anyway.

Now I need to take some time out. Quite a bit of time out, actually. I think I'm ready to do that.

* * * *
In regards to myself, I think I need to exercise more respect for others in general. I tend to be negative and flip with my comments. Critical. I need to think more before I speak. I hope I can do that. Today I'm doing well. I hope I can put it into practice in a lasting way. I want to.