Empowering

The apathy I suddenly feel towards my romantic future is actually rather empowering. What is it about men that draws them to me when I am suddenly disinterested? Who knows.

Anyhow, RacerEx called me two days in a row. The first day he called 'just to say hi," but the conversation fell flat because his call took me off guard and I had little to say or invest. Yesterday he called me at work to tell me my boobs looked fantastic in my t-shirt at work. Uh, okay, thanks, I guess.

But I'm just not invested in the calls, in the contact.

Sorry, RacerEx, but I guess you've lost me. I just can't put any more energy into "us" when there's no "us" developing.

* * * *
Worked with Rover yesterday, too. He was in good spirits and our rapport took on a life more like it used to be before our affair--jolly and silly. It was nice. He kept looking at me with those "I love you so much" eyes, but I didn't return them. At one point, I took him upstairs and trimmed his out-of-control-Groucho-Marx eyebrows and had much fun with him. At the end, he reached out to take my hand, but I handed him the pair of scissors instead. He extended his hand one more time, thinking I may have misunderstood his gesture, but I just handed him the toothbrush I'd been using to comb up his brows. He gave up, getting the message that I am not available to him in that way anymore.

I have decided he is more in love with the tragedy of not having me than the pleasure of being with me.

That's fine.

* * * *
Gotta go clean my bathroom.

See ya.